I admit that my blog has been on the quiet side going on a couple of years now. I used to post much more regularly. I recently asked friends on Facebook about education memes, and though I had seen friends participate in the Slice of Life Challenge, I admit I wasn’t really sure what it was. I am rather hoping that trying for some kind of regular writing habit will help me break out of this rut.
Something people might not know about me is that I’m pretty sensitive. I tend to read between the lines and try to figure out what people mean when they are talking to me. I know a lot of the time that people mean exactly what they say, but I don’t always take it that way. I made myself upset today reading between the lines and trying to figure out what someone I was talking to really meant. I really chewed on my feelings for a few hours, too. I was in the midst of grading final exams and final projects, and I put on some sad indie music. I didn’t have a cry over it or anything, but I really wallowed in misery of my own creation. Sometimes I do that, you know? And sometimes I can put myself into a right tizzy over trying to interpret a situation instead of just asking. A lot of times, when I just ask, I discover my perception is just wrong.
I have some theories as to why I’m like this. I think it’s deeply rooted in childhood and all the inherent difficulties in interpreting situations that goes along with being young. For whatever reason, that insecurity really stuck with me. I envy people who are secure. I wonder where it comes from. I don’t know if a lot of people are like this, but I can dismiss 100 kind comments for one slightly critical one. I try to recognize it when it happens and fight it by remembering the kind comments.
So that is my slice of life for Tuesday, May 26, 2015. I spent a few hours feeling insecure. I talked to my husband about it, and surprisingly I felt a lot better. And now when think about it, I am really mad at myself for spending so many hours being miserable today. I should be happy. I had the best year teaching I think I have ever had. I feel good about it. Thanks Jackie and Glenda for convincing me to try Slice of Life.
Welcome to the Slicers! Thanks for sharing. It can be hard to think about life sometimes, and we are always teaching the kids about “deep reading” and “critical analysis” — sometimes we just have to take things the way they come. It’s not easy!
Thanks, Jennifer!
This post spoke to me. I teach first-year college students and I often see them analyzing with too little data to make their suppositions meaningful. I tell them what my grandmother told me: people cannot give you what you want until you tell them what you need.
That attitude needs a lot of practice for the very young, but you are ahead in the game because you already know that when you need professional help of any sort, there is surely someone whose job it is to give you what you want. Your successful relationship means you and your husband have some sort of ask/provide dynamic when needed. Maybe you only need to practice your “tell.”
However, for me, over-reading between the lines sometimes isn’t about the other person at all. Instead, it might mean I’m letting doubts/fears/worries about something else bleed into other parts of my day. Saying that into a mirror usually stops the noise.
Oh! and something else grandma used to say to me: your ego is not built on one moment alone. When I f*** up, I remind myself that whatever just happened ended without bloodshed or my name in the papers. That counts as a good day, right? I suppose in today’s parlance I’m saying, “Let it go. Let it goooo!”
(I admire how open this post was. Best of luck finding your way out of the rut.)
That is a reminder I need. It is okay not to be perfect, even if I was reading the person correctly. And I’m not even sure about that, especially when I look back.
Dana, you know I love you and that I’m the same way. My principal told me a few weeks ago that I take things too personally. It’s true. Today I texted a colleague asking her if an endorsement from me is a positive or a negative. Dumb, I know, but I’m a self-doubter.
Aw, love you, too! I think we have a lot in common. I second-guess myself a lot.
Your post reminds me of a book I read by Byron Katie. I think it’s called What Is, and it’s all about how we sabotage our happiness by inventing stories in our heads about situations, without knowing if they are actually true! I do it too– if someone appears less than enthusiastic when I talk to them, I always get stuck in a loop where I think I must’ve said something or done something and this person doesn’t like me, etc. It’s ridiculous, really!!
I know! And it might even be they’re distracted by other things. It is crazy!
Welcome to the slicing world, it will challenge you to notice your world so you can share just a bit of it.
Sometimes we are so much harder on ourselves than others. Stay with the positive.
Thank you, Elsie. I know for a fact I’m much harder on myself than anyone.